I’ve been using various dating sites for a while now, and experienced the many aspects of this new frontier.
Often however these aspects are kind of bad, and it’s led me to thinking, what could be done to make things better for Trans people, when it comes to online dating.
From my own experiences, I’ve come up with six things people can do that might just make the experience a better one for everyone.
They’re right there, just below this bit…..
1. Read people’s profiles if you find them attractive and want to message them.
(Actually this goes for everyone, Trans or otherwise). Not every Trans person wants to be visible, but some do, and if they do it’ll be in their profiles. I make a point of putting it there, and honestly it blows my mind how few people bother to read my profile and then freak out when I have to double check they know.
2. Don’t assume that everything you think you know about Trans people is right.
Here’s the thing, the stuff you read in Newspapers about Trans people is quite often not true. I know, sounds far fetched right? After all the media are renowned for their honest and non sensationalist reporting amiright?
There’s a narrative that all Trans people are messed up, deviant, sexually repressed freakshows. If someone where to say that about everyone with blue eyes you’d know it was bullshit right? So why believe it about us? In the immortal words of Biff Tannen, “Think McFly Think!”
3.When you find out someone is Trans, Don’t be a dick.
Examples of being a dick include
- blocking me without a word
- insulting me
- sharing my profile among your friends like it’s a godamn circus show
- saying it’s cool and then not ever messaging again
- using the wrong pronouns
- basically showing absolutely no respect for another human being.
4. Don’t agree to meet and then not show up, or ever get in touch again.
This one kinda goes for everyone if I’m honest.
5.Don’t sleep with a Trans person just because you were curious/wanted to tick it off some sex bucket list, unless it’s consensual.
There’s two ways to approach this.
Way one is sleep with me, and then the next morning let me know it was only to see what it was like. This way is BAD. It makes me feel like shit, and makes you look like a shallow jerk.
Way two is to message me, say you’ve never been with a Trans person and don’t know what to expect, but that you find me attractive and you’d like to sleep with me.
It’s okay to be curious, sleeping with new people is always going to involve an element of exploration, and this is very much okay. The Key things here are consent and full disclosure. If I choose to sleep with you, I know what I’m getting myself into, and you’re being honest with me. Everybody Wins.
6. Open your mind a little.
I’m not asking you to exclusively date trans people, I’m asking you to stop, and think about this one simple thing. I find this person attractive. You’re messaging me because you’ve looked at my face, you’ve (hopefully) read some stuff about me, and you’ve thought I’d like to get to know this person. Just because someone happens to be trans and you find them attractive it doesn’t make you weird, it doesn’t make you gay, straight or anything you don’t want to be. It just makes you one person who finds another person attractive enough to want to get to know a little better.
That is all. (Unless you can think of anything else, in which case, that is nearly all)….